Mad Medusa Mum

Mad Medusa mum

By Judith Tan - Apr 4, 2007
The Straits Times

Looking at my three-year-old, people say I'm a great mother and that my daughter, Victoria, is clever and well-adjusted.

But they would be surprised if they knew this: In the first few months of her life, I entertained graphic thoughts of picking her up, opening the window of my flat and throwing her out of it.

I was going through post-partum depression.

I can laugh now, but at that time it was no laughing matter. I didn't realise what was happening. I just felt overwhelmed by this little person who didn't like to sleep.

I guess I had really set myself up for deep disappointment.

I got pregnant when I was 26 and I wanted to go the natural way. I looked for a gynaecologist who believed in it, and I even went on radio to tell listeners that I wouldn't have an epidural.

When my friend, a mother of three, heard the show, she called to say I was mad to have such high expectations of myself.

She was right. It turned out to be a difficult birth and I ended up going through an emergency C-section.

I also thought that, after the birth, the nurse would clean the baby, put her in my arms and my husband would take a snapshot which would be picture perfect - like we see on TV.

It was nothing like that.

When I looked at the photo, I was dishevelled and my face like kena bus langah (like a bus had hit me).

When I went home with Victoria, I had to cope with my C-section wound, a crying and non-sleeping baby, and bleeding nipples.

All these little things added up - making me feel like a loser. It was no wonder I went into depression.

Read the full article below
http://justwoman.asiaone.com.sg/motherhood/stories/20070404_001.html