The gift of listening

Friend

"When we honestly ask ourselves
Which person in our lives means the most to us,
we often find that it is those who,
instead of giving too much advice, solutions or cures,
have chosen rather to share our pain
and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand.
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion,
who can stay with us in an hour of grief or bereavement,
who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing,
and face us with the reality of our powerlessness,
that is a friend who cares.
- Henri J. M. Nouwen "Out of Solitude;Three Meditations on the Christian Life"

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me,
and you start giving advice,
you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me,
and you begin to tell me why I shouln't feel that way,
you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me,
and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen! All I asked was that you listen.
Not talk or do -- just hear me.

Advice is cheap;
a quarter will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself;
I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself,
you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I quit trying to convince you and get about the business of understanding what's behind this irrational feeling. And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works sometimes for some people -- because God is mute, and He doesn't give advice or try to fix things. He may just listen and let you work it out for yourself.

So, please listen and just hear me -- and, if you want to talk,
wait a minute for your turn; and I will listen to you.

Anonymous